Dinner is Served!

September 28th, 1944-- We began training for this mission in the kitchen of the fuhrer's uncle's brother's cousin's sister's friend's next-door neighbor in the quaint Bawurstian village of Weinerville-Ein-Rye. The first couple of times was a little awkward. With Lt. Usker Mayer watching closely, the three of us would have to lay down naked on a bed of lettuce on a silver platter. We all felt so violated. Playing the part of a sausage wasn't hard/that is what we are. It was just so damn hard laying there naked, with your fellow soldiers, as moron Mayer watched. Honestly, it felt a little perverse, but this was the mission, so we tried our best to adapt. Our weapons were to be hidden under the lettuce when we did the mission for real, lucky for Mayer though, if we had access to our weapons in training, I may have shot his foot off for this mission being so weird.

So that's how the training went. Get up. Undress. Act like a sausage. Sleep.
And so this went for several days, until per Lt. Usker Mayer, "We had it right!" Real hard training, take off your uniform, lay on lettuce covered platter, and be as still as possible. "Whew, how exhausting is that?" Working up a sweat, just thinking about it, laughing aloud. We personally thought Mayer liked us a little bit more than we would like, as he was always there for the undressing part of it. Maybe Mayer marveled man-meat? Who knows! To much relief, we finally did get it right, and not soon enough. Liverwurst and I were starting to think Knockwurst was liking his new found naked freedom a little too much, always raving after training how great it felt to be "au natural."

After the final training run, we were briefed on additional details of the mission. It appeared the SS, (Sausage-Sausage), had some hands in this mission. It would soon
be learned, the very grotesque twist they put on this mission, to make it more real-like. Those details were withheld until the day of, but we were informed accessing
General Satin's kitchen would not be a problem, as Gestapo spies were able to infiltrate, and were posing as allied cooks. We would literally come in the backdoor on this one.

We were given two days of furlough, in which, we ran through this mission in our minds over and over again. Knockwurst was really taken by it, as he chose to not
wear his uniform at all, Liverwurst and I really think he may join a sausage nudist colony in Vienna when it is all said and done.

Mission day came, we geared up, or should I say ungeared, for the short drive to the staging area. Once there, we were given lunch and informed of the grittier details. As said before, the SS strategy for more realism was more grotesque, and we were told that to make it so, we would be laying on this platter amongst the corpses of fellow fallen sausage soldiers. But, these fallen comrades didn't die in combat, they were brainwashed by Sausage-Sausage doctors to sacrifice themselves to the skillet! We were in shock, horrified, and taken back by thought of laying amongst the fallen, that were manipulated to be fried in onions, as opposed to their own free will of fighting in combat.


...to be continued